Second chances & New beginnings

Here I am again, almost a full year later after my last post. How has time flown by so quickly? Just like my last post, I will admit that SO much has changed in my life. After working the with children at Oconomowoc Developmental Training Center for a year and a half, I have made a heart-wrenching decision to leave the unit that I have come to love so much. The children there have surprised me in ways that are indescribable. We have created such strong relationships together that this was a very difficult decision for me. For the last few months of me working there, I stayed for them. It wasn't for me, wasn't for the money, but because I wanted to stay to continue helping them. I have so much compassion towards those children that my last few days of working there were filled with tears. I had so many co workers come up to me and ask if I was alright, and when I had to hide my tears from the kids, they still knew something was wrong. I had one come up to me and say, "you're sad because one of us is leaving, aren't you? Well don't worry Cassie, we are still here and you won't leave us, so you don't have to be sad anymore. You won't leave us, will you? We love you."

Those children have so much heart and resilience after everything that they've been through, it's amazing that they still have open hearts and are willing to forgive and trust again. Hearing those words just melted my heart yet again. Those children do that more often than not, whether it's after being frustrated over not having hot cheetos or mad that they couldn't have a dance party, they always bounce back and surprise you with smiles, laughter, and happiness. After telling one of the girls that I would be riding horses more, she looked at me, threw her fist in the air, and yelled, "YEAH Cassie!! Go after your dreams. DO what makes YOU happy! I'll miss seeing you so much, but you have to do what makes you happy. GO GIRL!!" I have never been so happy; hearing that she could understand that I need to do what will make me the happiest. Those children KNOW that I am so passionate about helping them, and to know that they also care about my happiness is priceless. I have had to have conversations with them that the word "love" is meant for family, and not supposed to be towards me. I have even had some girls tell me that they love me just as much as their own mother. I wish that everyone could understand how wonderful those children can make you feel, even the ones who live at residential treatment centers. No matter what "disorder" they are diagnosed with, or what stigma is attached to it, they will brighten your life and make you grow as a person. You just have to give them a chance.

Luckily I can still work with them when I have time, and have their drawings and notes around my room so they can still bring me happiness, even if I am not with them every day.

"Thank you for being the best staff ever"

In January I also ended things with my boyfriend, moved out of my apartment, moved here to the magnificent farm back in with Silvia and KD's new manager named Malinda. Both are great roommates! I am so happy living here and waking up every morning with the most beautiful view of the sunrise. I'm sure most of you know this by now from all of the pictures, but I also adopted a border collie and named him Oakley! He is about 9 months old now and is just a sweetheart. He has the silliest faces and all of my friends adore him almost as much as I do. Madi loves him too; and they are the best of friends. Sometimes I think Madi gets jealous because of his love affair with his frisbee! Madi is also now involved in Agility and Flyball and is exceeding in her classes! I am so proud of her.

Oakley

Oakley & Madi

In one week I will begin working at KD Trakehners full time again! I have been working here a few days a week for the last few months, and have begun to develop into a much more confident rider! Every time I ride I feel like I am getting more in tune with the horses, and have been able to see my distances to jumps almost every time! I am ecstatic for what is to come with this opportunity. We will be riding and showing more, and I know I will do better this time. I can feel it in me and in the horses... there is something that is different about me. I truly believe I have grown so much as a person in the last year... I am so satisfied with where I am right now in my life. I am excited to see what the future holds, but am also trying to live in the present, since I am living a dream. I will be posting blogs a lot more with my time here at KD continuing!!

There is one more very important thing that I need to mention before I end this post. There is someone new in my life. He is the most incredible person I have ever met. We have known each other for a long time, and I feel as if I know him so well already. It is difficult for me to put into words how I feel about him... he is such a wonderful person and treats me so well. I literally feel like the luckiest girl in the world being with him, and every time I think about him (which is all the time), I have THE biggest grin on my face. I have never met such a kind hearted, genuinely sweet person and I am beyond ecstatic to see what our future holds! He is chasing one of his own dreams for the next month, and it's completely new to me... I am always the one who leaves and chases dreams; I've never had to stay back and wait for someone to return. It is a strange feeling, wondering where in the world the person who holds a big part of my heart is, and when he will return. This is what I have to keep reminding myself: "I've learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you're with me, even when you're not by my side." ღ

I miss you.

How we began :]